


Restrictions

by CynicalRainbows



Category: Six - Marlow/Moss
Genre: Anxiety, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Fluff, Mild Hurt/Comfort, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25974316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CynicalRainbows/pseuds/CynicalRainbows
Summary: Cathy struggles with the idea of beginning university amidst the lockdown restrictions. Catalina tries to help.
Relationships: Catherine of Aragon & Catherine Parr
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Restrictions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [2nerd4this](https://archiveofourown.org/users/2nerd4this/gifts).



> Not my best I'm afraid but hopefully enjoyable all the same! Feedback appreciated as always!

‘Mija?’ Catalina tapped on Cathy’s bedroom door. ‘Are you coming down for dinner? Kitty made a tagine-’

There was no answer, but that wasn’t exactly unusual- all the queens were well aware of the last queen’s tendency to get absorbed in things, to the point that mere trifles like food and sleep rather fell by the wayside, and since Cathy had made her choice to pursue a formal 21st century education public, she’d been even more distracted, as she spent every minute she could preparing.

Of course, being Cathy, this also meant she hadn’t even thought about beginning to pack yet- and Anna and Anne were seriously starting to consider just making a run to Ikea the week before term began and doing the obligatory pre-uni shopping themselves.

So it wasn’t a surprise to Catalina to receive silence in answer to her question: it never was.

They all knocked- every time- out of habit, but they seldom expected a response.

‘Mija?’

She pushed open the bedroom door and poked her head in, expecting to have to peel her goddaughter away from her desk….and then stopped in surprise.

‘Hi Catty.’

Cathy’s voice was flat, and Catalina felt a twinge of alarm. Something was wrong- Cathy  _ was  _ at her desk- but her laptop was closed and all her books were still on their shelves. Instead, she was just….sitting. The university prospectus was in front of her, but it wasn’t open and Catalina strongly suspected that her goddaughter had been merely staring into space before she’d knocked.

‘Are you coming down for dinner?’

‘I’m not hungry.’

‘Are you sure mija? Kitty added apricots just for you.’

Cathy nodded.

‘Alright. We’ll save you some, ok?’

‘Fine.’

Cathy sounded so very disinterested- not merely distracted but actually apathetic- that Catalina, rather than withdrawing, came all the way into the room.

‘Are you alright, mija?’

‘I’m fine.’

Catalina sat down on the end of the bed and scrutinised her goddaughter- her pale face, the tense set of her shoulders- and shook her head.

‘I don’t think you are mija. Want to tell me what’s wrong?’

‘Not particularly.’ But she didn’t sound terribly emphatic. Catalina took that as a good sign.

‘Then do you want to put me off for a few hours before you give in and tell me anyway like normal?’

This at least drew a reluctant smile and Catalina gave an internal sigh of relief- so it wasn’t THAT bad.

She nodded to the glossy brochure on the desk. ‘Is it….anything to do with  _ that _ ?’

‘Sort of.’

‘Go on.’

Cathy sighed. ‘They sent an email today- about the new restrictions, for the start of term. And I was sort of expecting it, so it wasn’t a complete surprise but….still. All the stuff they normally put on for Freshers, all the orientation stuff, all the social stuff, it’s all had to be cancelled and...well, I obviously understand WHY so I’m not really complaining but-’ She turned an anguished face to her godmother, her hands wringing in her lap. ‘I don’t know, it’s just all going to be completely different to what I expected and...Well, I was anxious before but at least I knew I had the orientation stuff to sort of help me ease into it and now I don’t have anything and I don’t know how I’m going to cope-’

‘Oh mija-’ Catalina reached out and drew Cathy away from her desk to sit beside her on the bed. ‘I’m sorry- that must have been quite a shock to have to read.’

‘It wasn’t exactly a surprise.’

‘Yes but still. Oh querida-’ Catalina wrapped an arm around her goddaughters shoulders and pulled her close.

‘It’s going to be so different, and there won’t be any of the usual stuff to help everyone settle in, we just have to….start.’ Cathy gave a bitter laugh, half muffled against her godmother's shoulder. ‘I mean I thought I was nervous before but-’

‘I know mija. I’m sure you’re not the only person feeling like this though, it must have been a shock to everyone.’

‘I know.’

‘I know it doesn’t seem like it now mija, but it will be ok, you know?’

Cathy nodded slowly.

‘Honestly- you’re so much stronger than you know. It’s scary but you’ll all be new together at least, all in the same situation.’

Cathy didn’t say anything and Catalina couldn’t help but feel that her encouraging talk was falling rather flat, which was annoying when she was usually considered the best at giving advice and a listening ear. Of course, if she was feeling out of her depth just trying to give advice on a situation like this, how on earth must Cathy be feeling? 

‘I’m sorry mija, I wish I could fix it for you-’ She wasn’t USED to not being able to fix things for Cathy, that was the problem. Unfortunately, this, she knew, wasn’t something that could be fixed by talking it through.

‘No you’re right- I know you’re right-’ Cathy sat up wearily and drew a hand over her eyes. ‘I know it’s all ok really, and we’re all in the same boat… Silly of me to be upset over it-’

‘Silly?’ Catalina widened her eyes, shocked. ‘Mija, if THAT’S what you’ve taken from this conversation, I’ve obviously been going about it completely wrong-’

‘But-’ Cathy felt wrong-footed. ‘But- you said it would all be ok-’

‘It WILL all be ok!’ Catalina still sounded extremely firm on that issue, which was mildly reassuring, if a little confusing. ‘OF COURSE it will all be ok mija- but that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to be anxious or sad over it!’

‘But you said-’

‘I know. I’m doing this wrong… Querida-’ Catalina took both of her goddaughters hands in her own and squeezed them. ‘ You’ve had a shock. Plans have changed. Things are different- in all sorts of ways. You’re allowed to be sad for that, you’re allowed to be anxious- frankly, I’d be mildly perturbed if you WERE entirely unaffected. What you have to do-’ She wrapped an arm around Cathy’s shoulders and pulled her close again. ‘What you have to do is just….prepare yourself. Try and get things into some sort of perspective, although I appreciate that’s a big thing to ask.’

‘So….get over it?’

‘No! No, not at all!’ Catalina looked absolutely horrified. ‘Mija! As if I’d ever tell you something like that!’

‘Then how do you mean?’ Try as she might, Cathy couldn’t really see how ‘getting things in perspective’ was any different to ‘get over it’.

‘I mean… Well, it’s not going to be easy. So you need to accept that- that you’ll have some days where it will feel a bit lonely or days where it will feel a bit strange.’

‘I HAVE-’

‘But also-’ Catalina carried on as if Cathy hadn’t spoken. ‘-part of accepting that means just recognising that however it might feel in the moment, it doesn’t need to mean anything more than that you’re having a hard day. Like, if you have a bad day, it doesn’t mean they’re all going to be bad days, or that there’s anything hugely wrong.’

‘So just don’t catastrophize?’ Cathy shook her head, and gave a sarcastic chuckle. ‘If only you’d told me this last year! Things would have been so much easier!’

Catalina didn’t rise to sarcasm, she just shrugged. ‘I know how it sounds- I just mean...not  _ don’t do it _ , like it’s easy because it’s not, just….be aware of that tendency in yourself, so that you can remind yourself that you’re imagining the worst because  _ it’s a thing you do _ , and NOT because it’s proof that things ARE going terribly. Do you see the difference?’

Cathy nodded reluctantly. ‘I suppose. Sorry. Just- it gets so tiring, when everyone keeps telling you there’s nothing to worry about and then being surprised when you’re not better….’

‘I can only imagine mija. I’m honestly impressed that you don’t shout at everyone who does that, honestly- even me and the other queens, I know we’re guilty of it too.’

‘Only a bit.’

Catalina smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of Cathy’s head. ‘Can I keep going or have you had your fill of wisdom? If you’ve had enough, I can leave you in peace if you like. Or you can come down- you don’t have to eat right now if you really don’t want to. Or I can stay and we can watch some netflix or something, I could read to you if you’d like. Whatever you want, mija.’

‘You can go on.’

‘Ok querida. But do cut me off if it gets annoying. The other thing I wanted to say, when you’re thinking about how it’s all going to be so much harder, is that you also need to remember that you’d have had hard days anyway. No matter what was going on everywhere else. And then, like now, you’d get through them. And as well as the bad days, there will also be good days and good things.’

‘I know you’re right but…’ Cathy fidgeted slightly. ‘It’s so much HARDER to imagine the good stuff now- it just...it feels so much less likely….’

‘Of course it’s harder mija. And of course it’s harder to imagine it- but just think of all the other wonderful, hard things you’ve managed, that you never could have imagined before. You managed them- and you’ll manage this too.’

There was a pause- and Catalina wondered for a moment if she’d managed to seriously annoy Cathy enough that she was having to take a second to compose herself before responding. The pause stretched into such a long one that Catalina thought that maybe her goddaughter had dozed off while she was delivering her stirring speech. She wouldn’t even have blamed her- she knew that the sixth queen hadn’t been sleeping well lately, her anxiety keeping her awake and restless long after the others had turned off their lights….but when she glanced down, she could see Cathy’s eyes were open.

Finally, she spoke.

‘What if I don’t, madrina?’ Cathy’s voice was very small, almost a whisper, as if she was half hoping Catalina wouldn’t hear her. ‘ What if….something goes wrong, what if I can’t manage it after all- even after everything, after everything you’ve said?’ She kept her eyes in her lap, her fingers playing with a loose thread in the sleeve of her (Anne’s) green hoody. 

She didn’t quite dare meet her godmother's eyes, in case she saw even a hint of the disappointment she feared more than anything else- but when Catalina cupped her cheek, she found she couldn’t look away. No disappointment, only tender understanding.

‘Then mija, we will know that right now, it was not the best path for you. And I will do everything in my power to help you work out what your best path looks like- whether it’s a different course, or the same course but in a year or a few years, or a job, or something else entirely.’

‘Won’t you be disappointed though?’

‘Nothing you could do would disappoint me, mija. All I want is for you to be happy- and I support your study because right now, it is what makes you happy. And you know I’m proud of you- more than I am of anything else. But I promise you, I would be no less proud of you, whatever you chose to do.’

‘Really?’

‘You’ll always be my  _ estrellita, _ mija. How could I not be proud?’

Cathy found that her throat was unaccountably too tight for her to respond, but she pressed herself more firmly into Catalina’s arms and could tell from the way they tightened around her that Catalina understood what she wanted to express.

‘Do you want to carry on talking mija? We can, if you like. YOU can talk if you like, I promise I’ll listen rather than just going on at you…’

‘I- I think I want to stop, for now.’ Cathy’s voice was still a bit husky but not too bad. ‘Maybe later though-’

Catalina smiled encouragingly down at her. ‘Whenever you like mija. My door is always open to you, you know.’

‘I know. Thank you Catty.’

‘You’re welcome mi vida.’ Catalina paused. ‘Now- what do you need? What can I do? Are you sure you’re not hungry? Only you barely touched your lunch and-’

Cathy shook her head, but half heartedly. ‘I’m ok-’

‘You could try just a little bit and-’

Cathy laughed. ‘Fine, ok. How will I manage when I’m living in Halls without you to make sure I’m eating? How will YOu manage when you don’t have me to worry about?’

‘Badly I suspect, to be honest mija. If you hear of someone arrested on the tube for offering complete strangers bowls of tagine and trying to make them drink water, you’ll know it’s me….’

‘It’s ok, I’ll come visit you in prison. In between my wild university social life of course.’

‘I’ll appreciate that. Do you think you’re ready to come down and eat with the others or shall I bring you a bowl up here?’

‘I’ll come down- but afterwards, do you think we could have some time just the two of us?’ Cathy looked a little awkward. ‘Just- I know I won’t see you as often once I’m away so I’d like to make the most of it while I can….if that’s ok with you?’

‘I’d love that, mi vida.’

*

An hour later, Cathy was tucked under Catalina’s arm, a laptop balanced between them and  _ Braveheart  _ just beginning.

‘Are you SURE you won’t mind if I interrupt?’

Catalina laughed. ‘No, I promise- I know you like being able to point out the bits they get wrong.’

‘There are just so MANY!’

Catalina kissed the top of Cathy’s head and settled her goddaughter more comfortably against her.

‘I know querida, I know.’

Before the movie was even half finished, Cathy felt herself drifting: something about being curled up with Catalina just had a very soporific effect on her, and she’d complained to the woman about it more than once (it was why she and Catalina tended to sit at opposite ends of the sofa when they did group interviews, as a precaution.).

Annoyingly, she was not only too cosy to properly focus on the film but also too much so to even move away to help wake herself up.

Oh well. She decided it didn’t matter- she’d seen the film before after all. For now, she decided to just enjoy being so warm and comfortable.

She felt Catalina’s hand smoothing back a curl from her face, and sleepily leaned into the touch, her eyes still closed.

Catalina’s head bent to hers.

‘It will all be alright mija- no matter what happens, it will all be alright. I promise.’

It was said very quietly, but for the first time, Cathy felt close to believing her.


End file.
